Moi the Kiwi

2003-06-03T19:31:00.000-07:00

It's the Gospel Truth, ya Boofhead
In the beginning was the word, and the word was "G'day!"

That's how the New Testament might have begun if Jesus was born Australian.
An Australian author has rewritten parts of the Bible stories.
To some, it may be a screech of tortured vowels and supressed consonants, but to Kel Richards, author of "The Aussie Bible" (bits of it) it is a rich vein of regional idioms and slang. The book has been backed by the Bible Society of New South Wales to help win new readers....anything for converts.
The three wise men, for example, becomes three eggheads from out East who go in search of the baby jesus. "We saw a star out East, and we've come to say G'day Your Majesty.
The Good Samaritan gets attacked by bushrangers and the Australian jesus says those who build houses on sand are boofheads, Psalm 23, reconstructed as a bush ballard begins, God is the Station Owner, and I am just one sheep. He musters me down to the lucerne flats, and feeds me there all week.

How far will this go and only an Australian would get away with this, but I love the gall of it.

all things Biblical aside, life has been pretty scary lately, I have been expericencing the powers within myself at the same time experiencing a shift from breeder to non breeder, womanhood to crone. What a crazy mixed life, I hadn't realized just how rigid and routine I had become until I got tipped on my head and had a sudden rush of blood to the cranial regions of my antamony. Life is simpler but much busier.

Share a simple word of encouragement or praise to someone today and tomorrow and the day after........MAKE IT A HABIT

2003-01-08T18:18:00.000-08:00

"Mental toughness is many things. It's humility because it behooves all of us to remember that simplicity is the sign of greatness and meekness is the sign of true strength. Mental toughness is spartanism with the qualities of sacrifice, self-denial, and dedication. It is fearless-ness,
and it is love"

-- Vince Lombardi
NFL Football Legend

2003-01-08T01:29:00.000-08:00

Well, things are happening for me at last. I have decided to go work fulltime at a supermarket where I will be able to leave the job behind as I clock out and not have to worry about a thing, it will feed me and pay the bills while focus my attentions on matters at home where I am piecing together "work from Home" matters so eventually I can become my own boss again, which I like as this allows me freedom. This job will, I hope, not drain me of my creative flows, heaven forbid if anyone dare stifle my creative flows......hehehehe. I also like the fact that I will have no compunction about leaving this supermarket job when I have things set in place for working at home, as I tend to be a very loyal person in a job and find it difficult to leave.
This is the beginning. I feel a lot clearer about my direction now.
I came across an amazing book that asked a question that I had not really asked myself before and has lead me to discover quite a bit and delve into my needs and wants. I soaked it up like a sponge even though I knew a bit about it and I didn't know how to put it into practise and I have just confirmed that it really works. All sound like mumbo jumbo? sorry, but it is quite complex to go into here.
I have been saddened lately at the way people communicate with others.....the power of the word is amazing.
I will be watching my speech very carefully from here on in.

2002-12-14T00:20:00.000-08:00

Jack of all trades and master of none. I am guilty, guilty as sin. I am beginning to believe that I have loads of skills but have yet to find one that I can turn into dollars. I am being bombarded at the moment with feedback from people saying that I have such very good skills in this or that, why don't I do something with it? Just what do you do with a mish mash of skills? This is the question I need answers to right now. I have written a lot of it down and I have handed it over to power greater than my head........my inner knowing, God, a higher power, call it what you will as I cannot deal with it any longer. There are many many options open to me but just which one is the question.
I am unable to walk anymore as I have broken out in skin cancer again dammit, dam the ozone and CFCs, I am now vertually confined to the indoors for the next 6 months and this saddens me as I found walking to be very condusive to good thinking. But there is a reason for this to happen, wish I knew exactly what it was and I requested that my Inner Knowing tell me loud and clear and so explicit that my course of action be clear beyond reasonable doubt, my patience is wearing thin.
I seems as though the theme of my blogs is constant, being at the crossroads of life is quite perplexing and I find that this does help to some extent, I just hope nobody reads it.
I taped myself speaking yesterday just to overcome that fear and I sound terrible........I just don't know how people can say that I am a good speaker. Do people still say things they don't mean just to be nice or butter you up? oh well, it was an interesting exercise.
I am putting some ideas do on paper as my experiences may be of use to someone else and I may get someone who is a good writer to put them in some semblence of order just as my other writings on stepparenting are. I have no idea how to write, it is a skill that has eluded me as I listened to those dammed stupid teachers I had when I was young. "Dianne has only average abilities" or "Dianne does not have a writing talent to complete this course" etc etc. No wonder I always felt like a square peg in a round hole.
Those were the "Good Old Days" good riddance I say, they were not good old days at all.

" O Son of Spirit

My first counsel is this; Possess a pure, kindly and
radiant heart, that thine may be a sovereignty ancient.
imperishable and everlasting."
Baha'u'llah

2002-12-11T21:14:00.000-08:00

The harder I try, the messier things get. I have been particulary grumpy lately and I am wondering if it is my impatience or whether I am being a victim again. I swore I would never go back to that place. Ultimately, I am rsponsible for my situation and the enviroment around me is a mirror. It is a combination of beauty and horror. Sometimes it seems, the more I give the bigger the hole I dig myself into. This may all sound a tad bizzare but I know what it means. I have had hayfever very badly of late and that tends to make me grumpy, the constant pain in my head/sinus is unbearable at times so I shall see if I can get my medication changed. But then, I should......now there is a good procrastination word......rise above it. I am reminded of a quote by Frank Barron........
The creative idividual not only respects the irrational in himself,
but courts the most promising source of novelty in his own thought..
The creative person is both more primitive and more cultured,
More destructive and more constructive
Crazier and saner, than the average person.
Now there is food for thought. I hadn't thought of that saying in years and suddenly it came to me.

2002-11-28T18:40:00.000-08:00

I have not rallied forth with any great project, I am still in a quandary, not sure which move to make, there is a lot open to me but just which way to jump is still a mystery to me. I found Sam's blog interesting, he says that we find what we a good at but dammed if I can pin one down, well one that will pay the electric etc and fulfill me at the same time. Am I a perfectionist or a procrastinator? Probably a bit of both really.
I have a natural healing workshop here at the studio this weekend and I am looking forward to that. I will know whether it is where I am supposed to be at this juncture in my life. I have healing qualities, this became even more apparent the other day when I spent many hours with a woman who was in despair and her feedback was most rewarding. Maybe this is what I should be doing but it doesn't stir passion within me, I just relay my life experiences and knowledge which to me is how we should operate. The knowledge that I have has no value whatsoever stuck in my head or whereever, it must be passed on to have value. I learned a lot from her as well. I need to learn as I know very little and this I know, the more I learn.....that sounds quite strange but true.
I got rather annoyed with some chatters yesterday, all doom and gloom and despair. I sat and pondered my annoyance and realised that they are particularly scared, very threatened and very afraid people and my annoyance was my problem. I can't fix the world.......dammit...so I shall continue to hear with my ears and listen with my mind in future.

2002-10-17T00:12:00.000-07:00

I walked 8 miles today and find this a good time to talk with myself. I have to accept that I am an artist with a head full of ideas and be at peace with that. I am one of those that has never really found my niche, Jack of All Trades and master of none. I lack the discipline. I think turning 50 has sent me into a panic, quietly inside, and I will address this, just how, I am yet to fathom but I have decided to take a step toward a project tomorrow....I will see if it bears fruit. I am not an intellectual and never will be. I forgot an appointment on Tuesday and this depresses me as I do not like being unreliable and irresponsible or even entertain the thought that I may be forgetting things....ack. Trusting in my higher self is high on my thought list right now, but I know I have to take steps myself. I also feel very sad lately and I am not sure where that is coming from. I often feel on the verge of tears as if a flow ebbs and flows within me. This is so uncharacteristic of me and it is all very strange. Hormones, maybe? I just wish they would bugger off and leave me alone, I am not a breeder anymore and I have no need for them at all.
I am making an appointment with this blog tomorrow to relay my progress on a project I have had in mind. This will give me hope. I am still living at home, mainly in my studio, it is practical and condusive to my needs right now.......

2002-10-14T01:00:00.000-07:00

I have not blogged in a while, cramped with thoughts of me and scattered ones at that. I suppose it can be considered a selfish phase but such is the nature of the beast......Life Reconstruction. I am pushing boundaries, trying different avenues and sorting out what works for me, working within the bounds of, I am 50 now, not 21. Sometimes I think I am floundering around in the dark but I have a challenge and surmount it I will..It feels quite powerful to put that on paper........er on cyber. Have I wasted this one and only life or will I make a contribution or is it necessary to make a contribution? I am half way through this life.
I spoke with Goosie today and I said I felt like going ferrel, I have a strong pioneer spirit about me but I see that as completely selfish, banishing myself to the wilderness as I may have something to offer somewhere, be of some help to someone, somewhere. Going ferrel means going bush, living out of the garden in the wilderness, cooking on a fire and doing the basics, lots of reading, meditation, contemplation and star gazing. Sounds wonderful, at the same time I listen to that inner voice and I perceive it to be saying, that I need to get off this treadmill, this treadmill of life abounding with stressed people, rushing hither and thither, going to work to get the bread to get the energy to go to work to get the bread to go to work..........
I shall just blog for now, going ferrel is not a practical option.

2002-09-07T23:30:00.000-07:00

TESTS
If this is a real life, we would be told where to go and how to do it, but this is a series of tests, to overcome and succeed at. Challenges and tests are a chance for me to overcome and grow, to roll with the punches. Sometimes my tests have seemed insurmountable but I continue to grow through them, look for the silver lining and learn. I have realized that the answers are always inside me. I recently had a challenge and not being a very technical bunny, I went for a walk and the answer came to me. Often I have been too busy involved in the challenge to allow my inner guide to guide me, not only have I not taken the time out to listen to the inner guide but when it spoke I haven’t listened. I have recently taken up walking a quarter marathon every second day and this has allowed me time to think and to listen. I found the gym noisy and rushed and painful but walking enriches my life as well as exercising. Normally I would have found a group to walk with but this time I am alone and it is wonderful. I have found the time alone with no distractions other than to cross a street occasionally to be very beneficial and I can listen to my inner self and hand over some of my challenges for solving.

2002-09-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

this is a test

2002-09-02T21:54:00.000-07:00

This is the new publish

2002-09-02T21:42:00.000-07:00

Am I clever or am I totally inept?

2002-09-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

DECISIONS

I have been teetering on the edge of making some decisions lately, something I like to procrastinate on usually but there is a an old adage that has been running around in my head that finally got me into gear. “you can tell what a person is like and where they are at by their front garden.” Well, mine is a weed infested, uncared for jungle, totally neglected and in dire need of some attention. TIME FOR ACTION. I will make a start on the garden and this will be my gesture to the universe that I am now prepared to begin sorting out my inner life. I dug out weeds, ran strings for a new design, planned new paths and generally began a whole new garden. I had no idea where I was going to get all the necessary bits and pieces for this unique garden or how I was going to do it exactly but begin I did and I thought, out loud, the rest will follow. And follow it did. A friend of mine arrived, surveyed the chaotic scene and announced that her son was now into tropical gardens and had all the plants and know how that I would need and he would love to come and advise me and lend me a hand. WOW. Thank you universe. Josh even has hundreds of a particular plant that I want to grow as they are also his favourites. Is it luck or is it something else? Do we actually attract what we want if we put it forth or is it fate? I don’t know but I will try this decision making thing and put forth the effort again.

2002-08-31T16:44:00.000-07:00

LIFE UNDER RECONSTRUCTION

PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB

WORK IN PROGRESS

2002-08-29T23:12:00.000-07:00

DANCE LIKE NOBODIES WATCHING

Each Morning when we wake we are faced with 2 choices, to be in a good mood or to be in a bad mood. To choose the later is to set our ship towards rocks but to set our mood as a good mood, we can dodge the rocks and sail peacefully on.
I am reminded of a story I read in a e mail once.
A gentleman who owned a restaurant always chose each morning to be in a good mood. He was very positive, always had a good word to say to everyone and was very popular. His philosophy was that he chose how to react to situations, he chose how people would affect his life and his bottom line was that he chose how to live his life.
One day he forgot to latch the back door to his restaurant and robbers came in a shot him while they were emptying his safe. He was found quickly and rushed to hospital and after 18 hours of surgery and intensive care he returned to his restaurant after his recovery.
Someone asked him about what had happened. He said that when he was lying on the floor his first thought was that he should have locked the back door but he then dismissed that and decided to live not die. The paramedics were good to him, telling him he would be fine but when he got to the emergency room the doctors and nurses were grim and he got scared because he could see in there faces that he was a gone man then he heard a nurse yelling at him “are you allergic to anything” and he yelled “Yes”. They staff all stopped working on him while they waited for him to reply. He said I am allergic to bullets and over the laughter he said “I choose to live now operate on me as though I am alive not dead”.
I choose from hereon in to
Work like I don’t need the money
Love like I have never been hurt
And Dance like nobody can see me

2002-08-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

THANKS
Throughout my life, I have never really developed many “good” habits. I am a fairly undisciplined person, of course I blame this on being a Scorpion, my upbringing, my mother, my school and various others, cough cough.
I am going to begin giving thanks more often, in fact I might go as far as to think of someone to give thanks to each morning. Whether I actually verbalize this to them or whether I just send it to them telepathically, I will begin each day giving thanks to someone. Watch out, it might just be you and if it is, you will know it is for a good reason and that I am sincere in my gratitude. I have noticed a lot of takers around me, take, take, take and never giving a thought to thanking someone. I will be more grateful and bless what is I have. One of the first things to enter my senses upon waking will be one of gratitude.

2002-08-22T18:21:00.000-07:00

Each week, I go to the hospital, collect bins of meals and deliver them to the elderly, infirm and frail senior citizens of my community. I am saddened by the aloneness of some of these folks, especially one elderly woman who is particularly frail and when I called to see her today she was in bed and not well at all. I have no idea if this Lady has family but she lives in a not very safe house in an undesirable part of town. I could quite honestly pick her up and bring her home and care for her but I know that isn’t possible as I think she is staunchly independent and fiercely defends this. What I see as growing old with a tad of dignity may well not be what she considers dignity so I have for the time being, befriended her. I am a rescuer by nature, probably part of my control freak nature but I have learned that I only have control over me and that is up for debate sometimes. I have noticed that older people who keep active, engage in some form of mental activity as well as physical, tend to survive the rigours of age better. Some of the people at the bridge club are in their 90s and sharp as tacks whereas some of the people who sit at home and wait for their meals to be delivered don’t appear to be as sharp. Bette Davis said, “Aging ain’t for sissies” and I am beginning to believe her. I don’t have any expectations of how I will spend my old age but I do know this, I will be as active as I possibly can for as long as I can. I shall be doing some form of service within my community as there are needs right on my own back door step.

2002-08-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

So many people remain unhappy and unwell because they allow themselves to be not only limited but almost totally governed by negative feelings. I tend sometimes to be in denial of negative feelings and battle to become positive. I am often reminded of the story of a sailing ship with all sails fully set and billowing in the wind. It should be zooming along, skimming over the water like a bird but it is not, it remains stationary. Why?. Because it still has a number of anchors down, firmly wedged in the rocks behind it and these are holding fast, even though the conditions are right to move ahead. I have felt this way for a while but finding gestures to haul up the anchors is the key. The power of positive thought and the practicing of it is a start but putting myself out of my comfort zone, exploring new ideas and finding that passion is what I am after. As John Powell so succinctly put it "The state of emotional maturity- of having "arrived" - comprises of knowing ourselves, accepting ourselves and then being able to forget ourselves" Is this reaching out and giving to others?......what can I give?

2002-08-20T00:54:00.000-07:00

I have noticed that people who are focused and have a goal usually seem to get what is needed for them to achieve this. I find at the moment, I have several projects on the go and I am kind of scattered but today I achieved several steps toward a goal and this has brightened me somewhat. Procrastination is the thief of time. I am feeling like the goals are not quite so daunting now and they can be achieved if I can just keep a focus and chunk off the bits piece by piece. I have never really been a patient person and this is a good lesson for me to learn. I am patient when it comes to queues and waiting but not so when it comes to getting a task finished. I often can’t wait to get that task finished and get onto the next so I am learning a good lesson here. My mind seems to race ahead of my hands so discipline is the key at the moment. Discipline……..ah yes, how I recoil when that word is used, discipline was the order of the day in my childhood and here I am at 50 still reacting emotively to a word. No longer will I rebel, I will learn and continue to increase my virtues including discipline. Hahahahaha….life is a funny old game, for want of a better word, just when I think I have something sorted along comes another just to test me which makes me acutely aware that there is more to be done. Dam this blogging to hell, I am actually getting some things cleared and finding answers to questions I have had for quite some time and I am facing up to them. This is a good thing.
PS. I am really writing this blog to prevent getting put in the doghouse by Sam, hahahaha.

2002-08-18T20:32:00.000-07:00

There seems to be an ever present fear or tension in the air lately with regards to the World situation, terrorism and a general lack of concern for thy neighbour. I passed by the fire station, where I used to live 18 odd years ago, to find some of the apartments being demolished so I turned the car around, parked in the lot and went to observe the chaotic scene. I stood there thinking of the people who lived there at the time and all the wonderful times we had and also the sad times we have had. Jo killed herself in the garage, Mark died as the result of a street brawl and David died of cancer aged 45. Several of the older fireman who know me came out to chat and they were saying that there is no caring about each other there now, there is no socializing, no comradship and back stabbing is the main form of entertainment now........what has happened in that short space of time? why is there so much fear and tension? how have we lost our way in caring for others? how have we become self centred? why are communities not caring for each other now? Have we become such a consumer/money orientated world that people just don't matter anymore? So many questions. Can one single handedly go about making a difference? What will it take to turn people around? Still more questions, maybe I had best start coming up with a solution. I recall reading about a Gorilla breeding program, in captivity, where the female and her mate of 8 years hadn't produced any off spring. The person in charge realized that there is always a male and a dozen females in the group in the wild and the female will reproduce when she has the support of other females around her. I have no idea what this has to do with us as a society but it seems to me that support at a community level is all important to the health and welfare of the society and that we should all be supporting each other in our own community and the ripple on effect would happen. Am I a dreamer, can this be done?
My daughter is the one who loves to study sociology, I know nothing about human behaviour, only what I have experienced first hand, but it seems to me that man has completely outwitted itself. We have progressed so rapidly that it is actually regression in progression. Now this may sound absolute nonesense to anyone reading this but I know what I mean. As for solutions, I doubt I can stem the tide of this wave of inertia that is sweeping our communties, I can but offer a cake to my elderly neighbour or lend a listening ear to a distressed person, offer a word of encouragement to a discouraged person or smile a friendly smile to a passing fellow as I walk down the pavement. I recall a story about a young man who was going to the local park to committ suicide and as he walked down the road, he passed an elderly lady who greeted him with a friendly smile and a hearty hello. He stopped, turned around and the two of them walked several miles, talking and sharing, she had just lost her husband and he was at his wits end trying to find employment, but the old Lady had broken the cycle and decided to smile at the young man. He helped her with her garden and she helped him to find employment as she was a retired careers advisor for the local College. Just one small decision to smile at a stranger changed 2 lives forever. What can I do? Now that I have put out this vibration, maybe something will come along that I may be able to do.

2002-08-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

I reached a crossroad, a fork in the road, in fact several forks in the road and I thought a midlife crisis was for the men folk to relish as part of their growing old disgracefully. I knew that menopause was a turning point from a breeder to a phase of tranquillity but I hadn’t bargained on so many changes. It is like I have reached a point where all everything ended and I must now gather myself together, taking what I have learned thus far and moulding it into something that will be fulfilling and satisfying for the next 50 years of my life.
I am presently doing a speech for a contest about reaching 50, becoming eccentric and snubbing my nose at conformity and I am wondering if I haven’t stirred myself into some form of action. What can it be? I feel the stirrings, I know I am not young but I know I am not old either just in between, half way through my life and not sure where to go. I am feeling fairly lucky, if that is the word, that I have 50 years of life experience to mould my next 50 years on and this is a good thing. I can see why some people curl up and take to their beds once they reach 60 odd, they haven’t realized that they have the ability to design the second half of their life anyway they choose. This realization doesn’t mean that I will make perfect decisions, it is still a learning game till the day I die but I have choices now, I can make choices. Some people like my Aunt didn’t really have a lot of life experiences to draw on to mould a creative old age and she was bedridden at 65.
I would like to do something that was of benefit to others, something that paid the bills and helped others at the same time but this will require a passion, a passion that is strong and sustaining. A win/win situation. I know I can’t be a Mother Theresa or become a great scientist but there must be something that I can do. I have dabbled here and there, doing well but just not gaining the full satisfaction from it that I think I should. It is time for me to find a passion, grab hold of it and run with it. I saw a program on TV about some Greenpeace workers and recognised their passion and their commitment to their passion and I admired them for this. They were there for the cause and not material possessions. I have a passion but it doesn’t pay the bills so I shall find another that will occupy my spare time and take me retirement if there is any such thing for an artist like me.

2002-08-14T20:48:00.000-07:00

When I am what I call my wandering phases, I draw solice from sacred writings.
I 1890. famed Cambridge orientalist Edward G Browne met Baha'u'llah, the only westerner to meet him and leave an account of his experience. Browne, who visited Baha'u'llah in hi home at Bahji, recorded his meeting like this:
"The face of him on whom I gazed I can never forget, though I cannot describe it. Those piercing eyes seemed to read one's very soul; power and authority sat on that ample brow....No need to ask in whose presence I stood, as I bowed myself before one who is the object of a devotion and love which kings might envy and emperors sigh in vain!
Amild dignified voice bade me be seated, and then continued:- "Praise be to God that thou hast attained!....Thou hast come to see a prisoner and an exile... We desire but the good of the world and the happiness of the nations; yet they deem us a stirrer_up of strife and sedition worthy of bondage and banishment....These strifes and this bloodshed and discord must cease, and all men be as one kindred and one family... Let not a man glory in this, that he loves hi country; let him rather glory in this, that he loves his kind"
I am a spiritual being having a human experience and when I feel this way, I prefer to feed my soul with higher thoughts, just as I feed my physical body.
"The purpose of justice is the appearance of unity among men. The Ocean of divine wisdom surgeth within this exalted word, while the books of the world cannot contain its inner significance." "The religion of God is for love and unity; make it not the cause of enmity and dissension."

2002-08-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

I wrote this big long blurp yesterday about my arguement with my stepson and how his continual games and planning has driven a wedge betwwen his father and myself and how I have become tired, oh so very tired of all the games. I pressed the button and it disappeared. I can no longer tolerate his self centred and arrognat behaviour, I am sure I have allowed it to get me down physically and mentally. I am undecided what to do so I sit and I ponder and blog now, out in my cosy shed, where there is no nasty testosterone and loud music and I can attempt to allow some sane thoughts to surface.
I was driving out to Annie's last night and I thought, if I crashed the car, I don't really care. Now this is scary territory for me, it is just so not me, how have I allowed myself to get to this???
I have stalled.........overcome with emotion, I don't know where to go from here.

2002-08-11T01:47:00.000-07:00

Just a word on verbal abuse. In my first marriage the verbal abuse was sometimes so bad that I would beg to be hit physically, it seemed easier to overcome somehow so that is why I tend towards kindly words and shy away from any negative situation including putting anyone on ignore who comes close to any sort of abusive language. Kind words cost nothing and if more people would just utter 20 kind words each day, I am sure this world would be a better place to live.. Often things are said in anger, anger that is the perpurtrators issue not the recipients. If I had one wish, I would want all the people of the world to look under their anger and find the real feeling which is often something like fear, jealousy, threat, sadness, past memory etc and deal with the base issue and not make someone else suffer for their undealt with issues. My thoughts on kind words.

2002-08-11T01:40:00.000-07:00

I am an uninteresting person really....passionate sometimes, creative and a woman of many parts or is that personalities, maybe a Jack of all trades and a master of none.
I began life as the eldest of 4 to young parents, only to end up pleasing my domineering Mother and going nursing which I didn't want to do. I excelled at little in the field of education and exams but excelled on the sports field and at the practical side of nursing. I left nursing unfinished due to what I now see as self inflicted illness to escape..and married young whereupon the 16 year nightmare began. We escaped to England for 3 years where drinking, partying and generally rabble rousing was the norm and I was beaten, abused, raped and lost 2 children to miscarriage. We arrived back and Mother's advice was.....You made your bed, now lie in it.....not very wise words but I still had no idea that I had choices. So began the slippery road into drugs and alcohol. The verbal abuse continued as did the occasional beating until we did a geographical and I had 2 children, Brad and Erica but not long after it all began again until one day I had the courage to kick him out..My journey began, to slowly but surely rebuild my life. I have just realized it is 16 of soberiety so I must have a thing for 16 years.....The next 16 years will be wonderful once I kick this menopause in the butt. It has kind of thrown me a tad, fits of lethargy, depression, weight gain like Mama Cass would be proud of and sullen hours on my own.
I shall continue with this as I have put forth the worst parts of my life so the rest should be easier.

2002-08-09T00:51:00.000-07:00

well, I did that after writing a lengthy post and it disappeared

2002-08-09T00:50:00.000-07:00

I just am not sure how to post this.......this is a test

2002-08-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

My my........the things I do for growth. If you had told me 5 years ago that I would writing my thoughts and sending them into cyber space, I would have laughed you out of town and probably out of the country. This is bizarre to say the least but then I never was one to be to conform and rot in a twin set and pearls.
I have little time for this right now as I am off to kick another fear in the butt........public speaking........when will it end?????